The Silly Goose

This shirt exists for the person whose Sunday plans are "throw disc, lose disc, buy new disc, repeat" and who has genuinely cried — actual tears — over a bad throw in front of witnesses.

say "yes mommy" to buying this T-Shirt

With "Yes Mommy" on the front and an image of her printed on your back, you could be the coolest guy at the party and the one all the girls are jealous they don't have. Be a man, get the shirt with your mommy for the world to see.

You've survived haunted houses, slasher marathons, and every jump scare imaginable, but a cowgirl in real boots still gets you every time. Then this shirt was made for you.

Do not wear this within 500 feet of a rodeo. Also do not wear this to any event that includes line dancing, a hay bale, string lights, or a guy named Colt. Your composure will not make it out alive.

It's not peace, it's grief, and it happens like clockwork every single morning. This shirt is your headstone, your eulogy, and your permission slip, all in one purchase.

Don't schedule anything that requires effort today. You and this goose have identical plans: phone up, world down, everything else on hold, and eating a bag of potato chips while watching Love Island.

This shirt opens with a compliment, delivers a moment of genuine relief, and then quietly ends it with one word that undoes everything that came before it. It's the most polite way anyone has ever been threatened in public.

"Let's not talk about it" has been your entire personality, your default setting, and your final answer for years now. This shirt already said the quiet part so you never have to.

You compliment strangers, listen during conversations, and know exactly how to fold a fitted sheet without a struggle. This shirt just says out loud what your ex's replacement is currently benefiting from.

This shirt exists for every group chat argument that ended with someone sending a screenshot, every dinner table debate about a celebrity's age, and every time you said something with full confidence and immediately regretted speaking.

HR is not ready for this shirt, your grandmother is definitely not ready for this shirt, and somehow you're the one who has to answer for both. Buy it anyway.

This shirt is for the days when eye contact feels optional, small talk feels like a personality test you're failing in real time, and the lighting in this room is, objectively, too loud. Perfect for when you feel overstimulated and "fantastical."

This shirt is for anyone who has ever stared at their banking app, saw a single-digit balance, and thought, "You know what? That’s a problem for future me. I’m going to go look at plants." Stop buying money. Buy this shirt instead. (It's Girl Math)